


Just give me a sign

by SoMilkShake



Category: SKAM (Spain)
Genre: But it's an au, F/F, I hate tags, Other, about deafness, love you all, thanks anon for the idea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoMilkShake/pseuds/SoMilkShake
Summary: An anon on tumblr came up with this idea: au - joana is deaf, cris learns sign language.I'm really bad at au, but let's try something.
Relationships: Cris Soto/Joana Bianchi, Joana Bianchi Acosta/Cristina "Cris" Soto Peña
Comments: 41
Kudos: 109





	1. Thank you

**Author's Note:**

> This title is so bad but I clearly have no better idea tonight

Wednesday, 15h48

 _A sign language club… seriously, what am I doing here?_ Cris deeply sighs, hesitating to open the door in front of her when she feels a hand on her shoulder which almost makes her gasp.

_Well… here’s the reason why I’m here. Joana._

_She arrived a week ago and I was assigned to show her the school and kind of “help her to fit in” as the headmaster would say._

_“What’s up?”_ signs the raven-haired girl with joyous eyes _. Oh fuck, how do you say “I’m fine” already? Oh yeah._ Cris opens her hand wide and taps her thumb against her chest as she articulates the words with a shy smile. Joana grins brightly before grabbing the blonde’s hand and adjusting its position.

Cris can’t help but stare at their joined hands as she feels goosebumps crossing her forearm. Joana notices her gaze and slowly releases the blonde’s hand with _her usual smirk_. _“You’re coming?”_ she asks, nodding towards the door _as if nothing had happened._

They enter an already full classroom, laid out so small groups can sit together around tables and practice. _Wow,_ _I wasn’t expecting to see so much people here…_

“Oh, hey Joana! I see you’re already bringing some new friends with you, that’s great.” softly says and signs an almost thirty-year-old woman with a bright grin, carefully looking at Cris.

The raven-haired girl signs something in answer, _but of course I can’t understand her… Damn, she’s so much faster than when she tries to explain me something._

“Oh, I see, how nice of you Cris!” affirms the woman, before quickly realizing that the blonde is completely lost. “She just explained me that you two have a project to write in literature and you accepted to learn some words in sign language so it would be easier for both of you.”

“Oh ye…” starts Cris, but she’s interrupted by Joana pulling her by her arm and already leading them to the last remaining table for two persons, _of course_.

Immediately after sitting down, Joana starts to write something in her _sketchbook/notebook/mess we use to communicate in class. Let’s say it’s useful when you’re supposed to be silent but still want to talk with your classmate. Well… we weren’t that quiet yesterday when we both burst out laughing in the middle of Pedro’s class, but whatever._

The raven-haired girl takes Cris out of her daydream with a small tap on her forehead before showing her what she just wrote.

_J: It’s Aurelia, she’s nice but a little… clingy? sometimes; I preferred fleeing than having to talk with her for an hour_

_C: I see. You know other people here?_

_J: Well I know you, that’s enough right?_

Cris rolls her eyes before shaking her head in disbelief as Joana gives the blonde her best smirk and playful eyes.

_J: Alright, Madame isn’t here to joke around... I mostly know everyone here. They all came to talk to me because it’s rare to meet a deaf person in a public school I guess?_

“Girls, I know it’s easier to write things down, but we’re supposed to learn sign language here.” admits Aurelia with raised eyebrows, especially looking at Joana when she signs, _who replies with the most forced smile on earth._

When she turns away from the two young women, the raven-haired girl sighs deeply and quickly signs something as she leans against the back of her chair. The blonde starts giggling; _I don’t need an explanation to understand this word._

“Well, we don’t need paper, you can read on my lips, right?” affirms Cris, sitting up and looking at Joana as she tries her best to slowly articulate.

Joana raises her eyebrows and starts signing in answer; when she’s done, she crosses her arms in front of her chest, nodding towards the blonde and waiting for her to reply with a smirk. 

“Are you challenging me right now?” asks Cris, falsely offended and resting her weight on her elbows as she leans forward on the table. Joana only shrugs in answer, trying to hold a smile. “Okay, repeat what you just said- well, signed.”

The raven-haired girl gladly signs again, _a little more slowly this time._ _Me… read?... you… you… me… Well, I’ve got everything- without the verbs and nouns. Great. Oh wait._

“Maybe… _I can read on your lips, but you can’t understand me_?” hesitantly says the blonde, frowning. Joana’s smirk slowly disappeared as she stares at her, kind of pensive. “Listen- sorry, look, I think we both know I’m bad at…”

Joana interrupts her with a small gesture and starts writing something on her notebook.

_J: That was it._

“Really?” asks Cris with a proud smile forming on her lips.

_J: Well, not exactly, but you have the main idea, that’s the most important!_

The two young women exchange a small smile when their gaze meet. _I haven’t realized but- we’re so close from each other…_ Joana slowly moves backward before sitting up.

“ _You’re smart_.” she mouths with a tender smile as she signs.

“Thank you.” replies Cris, avoiding the raven-haired girl’s gaze with a crooked smile.

Joana carefully taps the blonde’s wrist with her fingertips to draw her attention. She brings her hand to her chin and slowly moves it forward as she mouths “ _Thank you_.”

Cris smiles softly and repeats the same movement under Joana’s proud gaze.

_After all, it’s not that bad to be here… especially if it’s with her._


	2. Toad Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We’re a week later after the first chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick explanation: the words between “” and in italic are signed. So, when a dialogue with Cris is in italic, it’s because she’s signing as she talks, and with Joana, she’s just signing (and Cris understands her).  
> Anyway, I hope you’ll understand everything with my messy writing style!

Thursday, 18h37

[Joana, 18h37] Madame!

Cris swiftly sits up on her bed as she sees the notification on her screen. _Why am I always so stressed whenever I receive a message from her…?_

[Joana, 18h37] can we meet tomorrow for our project?

_Of course… most of the time we only talk about this stupid literature project. I haven’t started the book yet… well no, I started it- 84 times I think? but I can’t stay focused more than ten minutes._

[Joana, 18h38] we’re kind of…

[Joana, 18h38] really late

[Joana, 18h38] :)

_Seriously, why did the headmaster choose **me** to help her fitting in? Because of me, her first grade in her new school is going to be catastrophic. _

[Cris, 18h39] I know sorry 😓

[Cris, 18h39] we can meet at my house after class if you want?

_Oh… was that too straight up? She takes her time to answer…_

[Joana, 18h42] It won’t bother your parents?

[Cris, 18h42] not at all

[Cris, 18h42] quite the opposite

[Cris, 18h42] my mom would be more than happy to see me work for school

[Joana, 18h42] jaja I see

[Joana, 18h44] See you tomorrow in class then!

[Cris, 18h44] yep

[Cris, 18h44] see ya!

Cris sighs deeply, as she lazily lets her body fall on her bed again, her arm covering her eyes and a small smile spreading on her lips.

\--

Friday, 14h39

The entire walk to Cris’ house was pretty silent, _but the good kind of silence, peaceful, soothing…_ It was filled by crooked smiles, quick glances and even sometimes blushing cheeks; as both girls just let their bodies and minds be carried by the atmosphere of the streets. _I would like to walk more often with her…_

They’re in front of Cris’ apartment door, but the blonde takes some seconds before quickly breathing out. _Why am I so tensed? It’s not like it’s the first time someone enters my house or meet my parents. All the girls already came here but- why with Joana everything seems so much more… frightening?_

She turns towards the raven-haired girl who seems a little confused but at the same time keeps tenderly smiling at her. Cris smiles back and opens the door.

“Mooom! I’m home!” yells the blonde, while she shows Joana where to leave her shoes.

“Cristina! Where wer--- oh… Hola!” exclaims her mother, rushing into the entrance with a huge frown before smiling brightly at the sight of the purple-haired girl.

Joana finally unties her laces and carefully puts her shoes next to the blonde’s ones, before turning around and jumping because of the woman’s presence. She slightly nods with a polite smile to greet her as she stands up, _nervously playing with her sleeves._

Cris’ mother frowns in confusion, looking at her daughter.

“Um… this is Joana. We need to work on our literature project.” quickly explains the blonde, not wanting the conversation to continue.

“Oh, I see- nice to meet you Joana. Thank you for helping my daughter!” affirms her mother with a bright smile.

The raven-haired girl politely nods again with a crooked smile, before turning towards Cris, a little lost and not knowing how to answer. The woman looks at her daughter with an even more confused frown.

“Um… she’s deaf. I think she doesn’t know how to answer you right now.” explains the blonde with her gaze shifting between the two women, feeling the awkwardness of the situation rising.

“What…? She really can’t hear anything?” asks her mother, her eyes wide open.

“No- but she can lip-read so just- aarg…” impatiently replies Cris, before turning towards Joana. “Um… my room is there.” she explains, pointing at her door. “My mom wants _to talk with me_.” she semi-signs, with a forced smile. Joana looks at the two women in front of her with confusion, clearly feeling the mood changing, before slightly nodding and heading towards Cris’ room.

“What are you doing with a deaf girl?” asks her mom, right after the raven-haired girl closes the door behind her.

“She is the girl that the headmaster asked me to help. She arrived two weeks ago and we are in the same literature class; she just asked me if we could do this project together, that’s all.” quickly explains Cris, avoiding her mother’s gaze.

“Is he serious? How do you two even communicate?” she continues with _her usual upset and superior tone_ , making her daughter roll her eyes _._

“Mom, we just- I don’t know-- we write things down, but I also started to learn some words in sign language so it’s easier for both of us.” replies the blonde, feeling herself losing it, as they both glare at each other.

“The headmaster really is making you lose your time with all of this. Plus, you already can’t learn your lessons and now you want to learn sign language? Where are we? You really should change your priorities, Cristina.” affirms her mother, starting to raise her voice.

_Oh yeah, because you always know what’s better for me huh?_

“You know what? I clearly don’t want to have this conversation with you; so now just let me work for school since it’s the only thing you care about.” coldly affirms Cris, as she heads towards her room, hearing her mom reprimand her from the entrance, but not really listening to her anymore.

She sighs deeply and tries to wear her best smile when she opens her door. Joana is sitting on her bed, biting her thumbnail, but she quickly stands up when she sees the blonde entering the room. _She looks so nervous… At least we’re two._

“ _Is everything alright?”_ she asks with a crooked smile.

“Yeah, don’t worry.” replies Cris with a small nod, before heading towards her desk to put down her stuff. Her phone vibrates in her pocket and she quickly check it, thinking it’s one the girls asking to go out this weekend.

[Joana, 14h53] Why do you look so sad then…?

The blonde immediately turns towards Joana who’s giving her a worried but at the same time supportive gaze. Cris lowers her head some seconds before sighing deeply.

“I just have really bad grades lately- well, not just lately- and… she’s just always complaining about it.” she explains, sitting on her bed and having a hard time looking at Joana in the eyes.

The raven-haired girl slowly nods, before starting to type again on her phone.

[Joana, 14h54] I can help you.

Cris raises her gaze to meet Joana’s determined and _intense_ _chocolate_ eyes.

[Joana, 14h54] I’m repeating this year, I know the entire program, I can help you.

“Well, if you repeated your year, I think you were as good as I am right now.” jokes the blonde, as Joana’s jaw drops, exaggeratedly putting her hand on her chest, falsely offended.

 _She slides the tip of her middle finger forward over the length of her other hand’s palm_ , and starts laughing, but Cris frowns with a smile, not understanding.

[Joana, 14h55] “That’s rude!”

Cris also starts laughing as she meets the raven-haired girl’s joyous eyes, before repeating the sign; but Joana shakes her head with a smile and comes sits next to her, slowly signing again. The blonde can’t help but glance at their touching knees right before Joana takes her hand to place her fingers correctly, which makes her immediately raise her gaze and meet the _warm eyes_ that were already staring at her.

_Why do we always end up so close…? It’s like our hands always find a way to touch, or brush each other. It’s like the time gets slower and slower whenever she’s near me, especially with that damn smirk I want to wipe away. Wait- is she leaning forward…?_

Cris immediately moves backward when she hears a knock on her door, while Joana doesn’t move an inch, not understanding what’s happening before turning her head like the blonde and seeing her mother standing at the door.

“Does she need something?” she asks, nodding towards Joana and looking at her daughter with shifty eyes.

“Mom, you can directly ask her. She can understand you.” coldly replies the blonde, who just rolled her eyes.

“Do—you—need—some—thing?” exaggeratedly articulates her mother, looking at Joana.

Cris pinches the skin between her eyes with a loud sigh. _God… I can’t believe she’s my mom sometimes._ The raven-haired girl tries her best to hold a laugh, before looking around her and grabbing a piece of paper. She writes something on it and stands up, bringing it to Cris’ mother with a bright _and still so polite_ grin.

“Oh, okay…” she murmurs, giving the paper back to Joana, a little confused. “Cris? You want something?”

“No thanks.”

When she closes the door, Joana starts giggling, as Cris bites her lower lip, shaking her head in disbelief. “She’s is so annoying…” she sighs with a slight laugh, rubbing her eyes.

“ _It’s okay_.” smiles the raven-haired girl before pulling her notebook out of her bag.

\--

Monday, 7h54

Cris is on her phone, reading some stupid things on Twitter, as she’s waiting for Pedro to enter the class. Joana is next to her, also reading something on her phone and biting her thumbnail, as she swings her leg faster and faster under the table. _She seems nervous…_ Some people start turning towards them, hearing the mess the purple-haired girl is making without realizing it.

The blonde gently taps on her shoulder, startling her.

“Um… your legs, you’re really loud...” she explains with a crooked smile, as Joana starts looking around her and sees all the people staring at her.

“ _Sorry_.” she signs, rubbing the back of her neck, embarrassed.

“ _It’s okay_.” affirms Cris with a smile, before frowning when she sees Joana staring at some people behind her. “ _What are they saying?_ You can lip-read what they’re saying, right? _”_ asks the blonde with mischievous eyes.

Joana playfully smiles before taking Cris’ pen from her hand and writing something on her notebook.

_J: What’s the name of that loud cute bitch next to Cris already?_

Cris pushes her with a slight smile, rolling her eyes as the raven-haired starts giggling.

_J: I don’t have superpowers; it’s really hard to lip-read what they’re saying. I need the person to be facing me. Plus, sometimes I don’t really understand, I just try to guess what the person is saying with the context._

“So… It’s always better _to sign with you_ , right? _”_ asks the blonde with a faint smile.

Joana slightly shrugs in answer with a funny pout; _meaning: yes, but I don’t want to pressure you_. They silently look at each other for some second, both lost in their own minds; but Pedro enters the class, interrupting their daydreaming.

\--

Monday, 21h03

[Joana, 20h56] here: *link*

[Joana, 20h56] you asked me how you could easily learn the alphabet

[Joana, 20h56] I like this video, I think it could help you

[Joana, 20h56] but as I told you

[Joana, 20h57] of course the alphabet is useful, but it’s better to just learn the signs that correspond to the words you want to say, or just try to mime them

[Joana, 20h57] you will learn everything faster that way

[Joana, 20h58] but it would be great for you to know it anyway because it would be easier if we can’t write things down for example, you would still be able to understand me

[Cris, 21h03] oh, thanks 😊

[Cris, 21h03] I’ll check that!

_What am I getting into? Sign language is like… well it’s like any other language, it’s HUGE and there’s so much vocabulary you need to memorize… I already can’t learn English; how do you want me to remember all those signs? But I don’t want to disappoint her… and… yeah, I just want to be able to understand her, to know her…_

\--

Tuesday, 13h43

“Alright, you can start! If you have any problem, don’t hesitate to ask, you’ll have to do the same thing for your exam.” explains Pedro, as all the students start working together.

Joana raises her head from her notebook, feeling all the movements around her. She turns towards Cris to understand what’s happening.

“Oh yeah- um… _wait_ a second.” mumbles the blonde, taking Joana’s papers to find the poem they’re studying. _If I understood correctly, each week, Pedro gives her the lessons written on paper so she can read them during class without needing an interpret. The poem must be right…_ “Here! We have to _read_ it and then we have to _write_ an essay and express our _thoughts_ about it.” she tries to explain _with the few signs_ she memorized.

“ _What_?” she asks, confused by Joana’s pensive stare.

The raven-haired girl smiles softly before starting to raise her hands to sign something but Pedro interrupts her with a hand on her shoulder.

“Girls, is everything alright? Did you understand what you have to do?” he slowly says, looking at Joana right in the eyes.

She answers with slight nods, before turning towards Cris.

“Um… yeah- don’t worry, I explained her everything.” she affirms, shifting her gaze between her teacher and Joana’s _warm_ eyes staring at her.

“Okay great, thank you Cristina.” he smiles giving each girl a nod before leaving their table.

Joana is already back to her notebook. _What was she going to say? Wait-- is she really drawing right now?_

Cris taps her shoulder to draw her attention, before bringing the raven-haired girl’s notebook closer to write something.

_C: You’re not doing the exercise?_

_J: You’re not doing it either._

The blonde raises her eyebrows and gives her an annoyed gaze. It makes Joana chuckle slightly as she shakes her head.

_J: I already did them at home so I can take my time in class to relax, or just draw some sketches._

“Like those ones?” murmurs Cris as she frowns, pointing at the multiple sketches waiting to be finished at the top of the page. “They’re amazing…” she affirms with a small smile, carefully looking at _intertwined hands, radiant flowers, and messy doodles covering other darker drawings._

Joana only shrugs with a crooked smile in answer, before staring some second at Cris, who’s starting to blush _for no damn reason_.

_J: I really should draw your eyes._

_“Why?”_ asks the blonde, feeling her neck slowly heat up as she tries her best to keep her cool.

_J: They’re so expressive! You don’t know it but your gaze tells me so many things._

“They’re just… crazy. My brothers used to call me “Toad Eyes”.”

 _“How?”_ frowns Joana with confusion.

_C: Toad Eyes._

The raven-haired girl raises her eyebrows in surprise. “ _Seriously_?” she continues, receiving a small nod from Cris before writing again on her notebook.

_J: It’s stupid. I love your eyes._

_Okay now my ears, my neck and my entire face must be more than red… Can she be sweeter…?_

_J: They’re helping me so much to communicate with you._

Joana’s eyes lock with Cris’ and a huge smile spreads on her lips as the blonde feels her entire body melt with the heat coming from her head.

She swiftly moves her gaze to her hands before clearing her throat. “And… um… how do you sign it?”

“ _What_?”

“Toad Eyes.”

The raven-haired girl makes a surprised but funny _(but cute)_ pout before pointing her eyes with her index one after the other; then she places her fist on her throat and quickly opens two times in a row her index and middle finger. “ _Toad Eyes_.” she mouths, carefully watching Cris repeat her movements.

That’s when the bell rings, bringing them out of their own little world. They both quickly gather their stuff and head out of class together. _We always say goodbye outside the classroom, it’s kind of becoming our litt…_

A boy comes behind Joana and startles her by gabbing her waist with his hands, interrupting the two girls. It’s a tall brown-skinned guy with frizzy brown hair, messy and bushy eyebrows, a budding moustache and a cocky smirk.

 _She seems confused by his presence. He also signs. Who is he…?_ After gently pushing his arm with annoyance, Joana turns towards Cris with a crooked smile before her head starts shifting between the blonde and the boy standing next to her, not knowing what to say.

“Oh sorry, I’m Eloy.” he explains with a bright grin, finally noticing her.

“I’m Cris.” she says as he kisses her on each cheek.

“Nice to meet you.” he continues with the same smile _and his so relaxed attitude_. _It’s like he is completely elsewhere, his head in the clouds._

Cris only replies with a forced smile, as Joana keeps looking at her with the same _apologizing_ gaze.

Eloy taps on her shoulder to draw her attention, before signing _something I obviously can’t understand._ The raven-haired girl quickly replies, before turning towards Cris again, with even more sad eyes.

 _“We’re leaving. See you later?”_ she signs with a faint smile.

“ _See you later_.” answers the blonde, a little caught out, as they’re already leaving, Eloy wrapping his arm around Joana’s neck.

Cris is left alone in the corridor, watching them pass the school’s front door. Her legs, her stomach, her _entire_ body, are like pinned to the ground, as she feels a strange and _clearly_ unpleasant heat rise in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the people who know sign language, I’m basing myself on the ASL; and remember that I clearly don’t pretend to know how to perfectly describe some signs, but I’m doing my best! Don’t hesitate to correct me :)


	3. I don't understand

Wednesday, 14h21

_Tuesday._

[Joana, 19h21] Hey!

[Joana, 19h21] we didn’t have the time to talk about it this morning

[Joana, 19h21] but we’re still meeting tomorrow at the club, right?

[Joana, 19h22] I prepared something for you this afternoon 😉

_Today._

[Joana, 13h34] I guess we’re not meeting then…

[Cris, 14h21] sorry I have something else planned

[Joana, 14h21] oh, okay…

_It’s better that way. I don’t even know why I went there at first._

_I understand nothing. She was always so flirty and now there’s this-- Eloy? She never talked about him. I can’t believe I imagined all of this; actually, what did I even imagine?_

_And anyway, why do I feel so angry? I've only known her for 2 weeks and everything is already so overwhelming. I should stay away from her. Everything’s so messed up in my head. We finish this stupid project and we’re done._

\--

Friday, 10h03

Cris is sitting with the girls outside, lost in her thoughts and not really listening to Viri and Amira talking about their next English exam, while Eva and Nora are just randomly joking around as usual.

She slowly stretches out and yawns loudly, drawing Amira’s attention.

“Can you be louder?” she jokes, tenderly smiling at her best friend.

“Sorry, I didn’t sleep well.” admits the blonde, rubbing her eyes.

“Is everything alright?” asks her best friend with a worried frown.

That’s when her eyes land on Joana and Eloy, arriving at school together, _signing and laughing_. _How couldn’t I notice it before?_ The raven-haired girl meets her gaze and it’s like the world is stopping for a second. _I can’t read her expression; her face isn’t closed but- the warmth in her eyes isn’t there anymore…_

“Cris? Cris!”

“Yes, what?” asks the blonde, a little annoyed and turning towards her best friend, as she comes back to reality.

“Is everything alright?” asks again Amira, with all the girls now silently looking at her.

“Yes- yes, sorry, I’m just really tired.” she quickly explains, pinching the skin between her eyes.

“Oh, hey Joana!” blurts Viri with her usual glee.

Cris stomach turns a thousand times at those words before she quickly raises her gaze to meet the raven-haired girl’s one, already intensely staring at her.

“ _Hey, you forgot your pen_.” she signs with a faint smile, before handing it to the blonde.

“ _Thanks_.” simply replies Cris, not even looking at her and quickly signing something far away from a good thank you.

Joana’s smile gives way to a discouraged face, before lowering her gaze with a barely audible sigh. She starts playing with her shirt sleeves and biting her cheeks, as she sees that the conversation won’t go further. “ _See you in class_.” she quickly signs _with again that unreadable gaze_ , before slightly waving to the other _confused_ girls and leaving.

“Criiiiis???” exclaims Viri, getting her head closer from the blonde’s one with her eyes wide open.

“What?” she asks with a frown, annoyed.

“You can understand her?”

“Yes why?”

“But… you know sign language?” asks Nora, confused, as Eva follows her questioning.

“Uh, no. We just have a project together and she taught me some words so we could communicate a little easier.”

“And you never minded telling us?” continues Eva with a light laugh and a funny frown.

“Who cares? It’s not important.” affirms Cris with a shrug, being on the defensive.

“Eh Cris calm down, what’s wrong with you this morning…?” asks Amira with concern, rubbing her forearm.

“Nothing, it’s just that-” she is interrupted by the bell ringing. “Never mind, see you later.” mumbles the blonde, quickly taking her bag and heading towards her class alone, as the girls exchange confused and worried gazes.

 _First mom, and now the girls? Why is everyone so annoying with this?_ _I don’t even know why I tried to understand a girl who lives in a complete different world from mine; a girl who doesn’t give a fuck about me. Joder… Why am I so angry all the time…?_

\--

Friday, 11h33

_We haven’t exchanged a single gaze since we enter the class. She tried to draw my attention on her notebook many times so I could read what she wrote, but I just acted as if I hadn’t noticed her… I don’t know what to say; I don’t know if I want to talk with her; I don’t know anything whenever she’s next to me. Why is everything so confused and confusing joder?_

Cris feels Joana slightly tapping her shoulder. _I can’t just ignore her…_ She turns towards the raven-haired girl and meets her crooked smile as the knot in her stomach immediately ties her throat.

“ _What did Pedro say?_ ”

“Um… I don’t know… I wasn’t listening…” mumbles Cris with shifty eyes, noticing that everyone around her is starting to write on their notebook.

“Cristina? Something’s wrong?” asks Pedro with a frown.

“Um… no- well yes, can you repeat what we’re supposed to do right now…?” replies the blonde, feeling her cheeks heating up.

“You’re supposed to comment Pablo Neruda’s poem; if you’d listen to me you would know it, Cristina.” he sternly affirms, crossing his arms in front of his chest, making her lower her gaze.

“Well, the two dumb girls next to each other, it makes sense.” lets out one of the guys at the table next to Cris’, making half of the class laugh with him.

“What did you just say?” blurts the blonde, glaring at him.

“That’s enough! Luis you better stop talking like that or I’ll have some words about your grades with your parents.” immediately intervenes Pedro, bringing back a dead silence in the class. “Now everyone goes back to work.”

Cris’ stares back at her notebook as she feels her cheeks burning and a huge heat pumping into her chest. _I can’t believe he just called Joana dumb because she’s deaf and everyone just laughed with him. Why is everyone so stupid lately? Why can’t everything go back to normal?_

After some seconds she notices Joana’s worried and hesitating eyes staring at her.

“ _I don’t understand, what happened?_ ” she asks, confused.

“It wasn’t important. Drop it. You just need to comment this poem.” affirms the blonde, quickly pointing at one of the raven-haired girl sheets.

\--

Friday, 14h02

_Finally, this awful week is over… I just want to lay down in my bed and stay there forever._

Cris rubs her eyes with a deep sigh before quickly gathering her stuff in her bag and leaving the classroom. As she walks out the door, she sees Amira, waiting for her with supportive but also worried eyes.

“Hey…” she whispers as the blonde, who’s not daring to meet her gaze, approaches her. “Maybe we could eat together- just the two of us.” she hesitantly says with a soft smile.

“Yeah… I’d like that…” mumbles Cris after some seconds, letting her best friend tenderly wrap her arm around her shoulders and lead them outside the school.

\--

“I don’t know Amira… I just- I just feel so confused.” admits Cris, looking at her sandwich for the hundredth time and still not daring to take a single bite.

“I can see that.” replies her best friend with a tender grin, making the blonde roll her eyes with a small smile forming on her lips. “And… since when are you talking to each other?”

“Since she arrived; the headmaster asked me to help her the first days and- we just never stopped talking since that day.”

“And… she never talked about him…?” asks Amira, trying to find the right words as she sees the blonde lowering her gaze.

“No… I swear, I- I don’t understand anything…” admits Cris with a deep sigh. “Plus, I don’t know what I was expecting, she’s deaf.”

“And…? It doesn’t matter right?” immediately replies her best friend with a confused frown, not understanding why she’s mentioning it.

“I know but- girl… Learning sign language? Me? Seriously? It’s so hard to communicate with her. She can understand me but I can’t understand her…” explains the blonde, letting her shoulders fall in despondence.

“Well, as I see it didn’t stop you from falling for her.” admits Amira with raised eyebrows.

“I’m not in love.” quickly affirms Cris, turning her head from her best friend’s gaze.

“ _I think I like her_.” she teasingly repeats, imitating the blonde as she comes closer.

“Shut up…” mumbles the latter under her best friend’s playful smile, who she slightly pushes away, as they start giggling together.

“Seriously Cris… I know it’s hard to not understand what’s in people’s mind… but- don’t judge her or be mad at her because she didn’t tell you everything. It would be stupid to stop talking to her just because she has a boyfriend. You could be friends, it’s alright. Plus, you seemed so much more smiley lately…” affirms Amira a little more seriously, gently rubbing Cris’ forearm with her thumb.

“Yeah… maybe you’re right…” replies the blonde, meeting her gaze with thankful eyes.

“Only maybe?” playfully asks her best friend with raised eyebrows.

“Okay- Amira, I think you’re right.” she affirms after rolling her eyes.

“Are you going to talk to her?”

“Amy…” moans the blonde with pleading eyes, before letting out a small breath under Amira’s serious and determined gaze. “Yes, I’ll try.”

“Good.” proudly smiles the latter, softly poking her best friend’s cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like and hate this chapter at the same time, but I think it was necessary for it to be here? I wanted to fit with the original storyline and yeah, idk, it’s just there.  
> Oh and, in this fic I consider that Amira (and in extension the girl squad) already knew about Cris liking boys and girls.


	4. Can you dance?

Saturday, 21h17

_I don’t know if she’s going to be there tonight… and of course, I can’t send her a message coming from nowhere just like that since I was a complete asshole with her the entire week. What if now she won’t want to talk with me anymore…? Aaarg… what do I do?_

Cris deeply sighs as she rests her back on her seat, feeling her brother’s gaze on her.

“I don’t know if we’ll stay long with the guys. Rubén talked about a new bar opening near his house and- there will be mainly people of your age tonight, right?” he asks, before staring back at the road.

“Eh Dani, you didn’t have to come.” replies his sister, a little annoyed.

“Well, who would have taken you there?”

“The bus?” she affirms with a frown, making Dani slightly chuckle as he shakes his head in disbelief.

“I see that you’re still on the defensive whenever I mention his name.” he says with playful eyes, waiting for the blonde’s reaction.

“It’s not that I don’t like him… he’s just… clingy?” explains Cris with a shrug, not looking at her brother.

“Why don’t you tell him then? He’s not dumb, he would understand.” affirms Dani, a little more seriously, but his sister only answers with a dead silence. “Or… maybe you keep him as a second choice in case you don’t find someone else who would bear your bad temper?” he continues with a teasing tone.

“Just shut up!” blurts the blonde, slapping his shoulder.

“Eh, eh! I’m driving, don’t make us plow into a street lamp!” he lets out with a laugh, trying to hold his sister’s arm as he keeps his other hand on the wheel.

\--

Saturday, 22h42

_I can’t believe the girls abandoned me with him. Why isn’t Amira here tonight? She would’ve saved me from this._

Cris looks around the fiery room, as she sips her drink and half listens to the umpteenth story of Rubén and his drunk friends in a bar. That’s when her eyes land on purple hair at the other end of the room, hidden by a boy with a khaki jacket and frizzy brown hair. _Here they are…_

“You should’ve seen your brother’s face that day, it was hilarious.” loudly laughs Rubén, getting closer from the blonde, which makes her come back to reality and faintly smile at him.

She turns back her gaze to the room, seeing Joana now waiting alone on a seat with a beer in her hands, keeping to herself; she’s also carefully examining the place and clearly having a hard time with all the movements and lights around her. _She seems so lost and sad- why?_ That’s when the raven-haired girl finally finds what she was looking for; both girls exchange an intense and unflinching gaze even with an entire jumping crowd separating them. _Her eyes… something’s wrong. Congrats Cris, it clearly wasn’t your finest move to be mad at her for something she obviously doesn’t even understand…_

A hand on her arm startles the blonde as she feels Rubén even closer from her face now. He smiles brightly when Cris’ eyes land on his _cracked_ lips. _He definitely has more than one beer in his blood, especially with that breath and this lustful gaze. I’m clearly not in the mood… I need to talk to Joana._

“Eh… I need to find a friend okay? I’ll be back soon.” she affirms with a faint smile, as she slightly pushes him away, before trying to find again a strand of purple in the middle of this more than dark room. That’s when she sees a girl with tied hair and a denim jacket heading towards the exit door. _Definitely her._

\--

Cris’ barely covered skin meets the mild atmosphere of April outside the nightclub, as she notices Joana sitting alone on the steps a little lower, with a lit cigarette between her fingers.

“Hey…” mumbles the blonde before slapping herself mentally. She goes down the stairs before approaching her hand from the raven-haired girl’s shoulder.

At the touch, Joana jumps and immediately turns around, firmly grabbing Cris’ wrist. _Fuck, I scared her…_ Her eyes widen when she realizes who’s in front of her, she then frowns in confusion, before freeing the other girl’s arm.

“ _Sorry… Is everything alright…?”_ asks the blonde, worried.

Joana keeps staring at her in silence, kind of baffled and speechless.

“I saw that you didn’t seem fine; so- um… I- I just wanted to check if everything was alright. Um… do you want me to call Eloy or someone else…?” stammers Cris with messy gestures and shifty eyes, feeling her upper body heating up.

The raven-haired girl stares at her for some more seconds with a confused frown before answering with a faint smile. “ _I’m alright_.”

“Okay… I- I should leave you alone then…” states the blonde as she lowers her gaze, already starting to climb back the stairs but a hand holds her wrist, this time more gently. She immediately turns around and meets Joana’s soft smile, as the latter invites her to sit next to her with a small nod.

The raven-haired girl hands Cris her cigarette, after she settles herself on the steps.

“ _Thank you_.” she signs with a crooked smile before taking it and staring back at the dark street in front of her.

Cris’ phone vibrates in her fanny pack; she turns towards Joana, who’s already staring at her, biting her thumbnail. The blonde hesitantly grabs her phone and reads the notification with apprehension.

[Joana, 22h51] Why are you avoiding me lately?

_Well… at least she gets straight to the point…_

“It was… I was a little stupid, _sorry_ …” admits Cris, rubbing her fist against her chest, trying to meet Joana’s eyes, who doesn’t seem convinced by this answer.

The raven-haired girl frowns slightly and bites her lower lip, _kind of hesitating,_ as she types again on her phone.

[Joana, 22h52] Is it about Eloy?

Cris remains silent after reading this message. She doesn’t move an inch and keeps staring at her phone, not knowing what to answer as she feels her neck and cheeks burning. _I hate it so much._

Joana rests her weight on her arms and raises her head to the sky, letting out a small breath before starting giggling. Cris looks at her with a confused frown, as the raven-haired girl shakes her head in disbelief before turning towards her again with a bright smile.

“ _Is that why you were avoiding me?_ ” she asks, amused.

“No… no… uh…” stammers the blonde, taken aback and not understanding _what all of this means_.

[Joana, 22h54] He is my best friend!

Cris eyes widen as she feels her entire body catch fire. She immediately hides her face with one hand and nervously laughs, not daring to look at the giggling raven-haired girl next to her.

[Joana, 22h55] he is the son of my mother’s best friend and he is the first person I met when I moved from Argentina. We’re like brothers and sisters

Cris bites her lower lip and dares to look at Joana again, who’s already smiling at her.

“I must be red as a tomato right now.” she chuckles, pointing her face and making the raven-haired girl slightly laugh.

“ _Yes, but I like it_.” admits the latter with a sincere and tender smile.

Cris’ smile drops slightly as they keep staring at each other, unable to look anywhere else. _She’s right, when you look closer, someone’s gaze tells so many things about them… She seems confident, but at the same time there’s this… nervousness. I wonder what she sees… Does she see how confused and lost I am? Does she see how relieved I am? Does she see me as I see her…?_

“ _I’m glad you came talk to me_.” signs Joana between their bodies, pinching her lips and making the blonde smile brightly.

“ _Me too_.”

The raven-haired girl softly smiles at Cris’ sign, as they’re still unable to take their eyes from each other, slowly leaning forward. _It’s the first time we’re so close from each other- and I’m not scared._ Joana slowly raises her hand, ready to remove a strand of hair from the blonde’s cheek.

“Cris! Where are y-” stops Dani at the top of the stairs, immediately causing Cris to turn towards him. Joana blinks, confused by this sudden come back to reality, before turning in the same direction. He silently stares at the two girls some seconds, taken aback. “Sorry, I- I didn’t want to interrupt you- just, just continue what you were doing- we’re leaving.” he falters, rubbing the back of his neck before turning around with a small wave at his sister.

The two girls watch him leave before staring back at each other some seconds, kind of stunned. They can’t help but burst out laughing together. Cris looks away and can’t hold a smile as a _special_ song starts playing. She gives Joana mischievous eyes and the latter replies with a confused _but also funny_ frown, scared by the blonde’s new idea.

“ _Wait_ a second.” she quickly says, taking her phone. _I want to ask it in sign language._

The raven-haired girl sneakily tries to see what’s on Cris’ screen, but the blonde slightly pushes her away, hiding her phone before saying no with her index finger as she frowns, trying to look stern. Joana only replies with puppy eyes, sulking.

_Okay… so I just have to repeat this sign with the right expression? Easy._

The blonde lets out a content sigh as she sits up, facing again the other girl. Cris first points at Joana, then she places one hand with her palm upward, while she slides from right to left and vice versa the tips of her index and middle finger from her other hand against it, _forming a little man_ ; all of this with questioning eyes.

“Can you dance?”

Joana snorts before pointing at her ears with raised eyebrows, _but something in her gaze is so tender and thankful…_

“Yes, thank you, I noticed- but you must be feeling the beat in your chest as we all do, right?” replies Cris with a confident smile.

The raven-haired girl only stares at her, amazed, as her lips slightly curve.

“See? You have no excuses!” enthusiastically affirms the blonde, taking the other girl’s hands. “Come on!” she exclaims with a bright smile, making a more than unwilling Joana stand up.

The two girls try to sneak in the crowd, not letting go of the other’s hand as they can’t stop laughing and glance at each other.

They’re in the middle of everyone and Joana slightly sulks, being reluctant at Cris swinging her arms and dancing in front of her with a bright grin. She can’t help but smile back before closing her eyes and start to follow the rhythm of the music. The blonde giggles at Joana’s clumsiness and dorky movements, before letting out a surprised gasp when the other girl makes her spin around with one hand. Both girls start loudly laughing as they stumble more than dance, making some people look at them oddly; _but it doesn’t matter, the warmth in her eyes is back, nothing else matters._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing to say about this chapter. I just love writing this fic.


	5. Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's just say that this chapter is important in many ways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we start, just a friendly reminder since it’s been a while: the words between “” and in italic are signed. So, when a dialogue with Cris is in italic, it’s because she’s signing as she talks, and when Joana’s speaking, she’s just signing (and Cris understands her, otherwise, I mention it).

Monday, 9h28

[Cris, 7h58] You’re not coming?

[Cris, 8h06] ☹️ 

[Cris, 8h07] how am I supposed to survive to this boring class without your stupid jokes, huh?

[Joana, 9h20] stupid?

[Joana, 9h20] i understand, no jokes anymore

[Cris, 9h23] nooo!

[Cris, 9h23] maybe a joke sometimes

[Cris, 9h23] but just sometimes

[Joana, 9h25] we’ll see

[Joana, 9h25] idk if you deserve them anymore

[Cris, 9h25] 🙄🙄🙄

[Joana, 9h26] how’s the lesson?

[Cris, 9h26] awful?

[Cris, 9h27] btw you better have a great excuse for not coming

[Cris, 9h27] bc “missed the alarm” doesn’t work with Pedro

[Joana, 9h28] naaaah, just a doctor appointment

[Cris, 9h28] nothing serious i hope?

[Joana, 9h28] don’t worry 😊

[Cris, 9h28] great

“Cristina!” calls Pedro, staring at the blonde with raised eyebrows. “Do I bother you or…?” he continues, a little harsher at each word.

“Sorry…” mumbles Cris, lowering her gaze as she puts back her phone in her pocket. 

\--

Monday, 11h03

Cris enters the cafeteria, instantly noticing the girls sitting at their usual table.

“No but girl, you’re kissing each other almost at every party and you want me to believe that there’s nothing between you two?”

“Well, I can kiss him without wanting anything else, Viri.”

“Talking about Cristian again?” interrupts the blonde with a slight laugh, receiving a thankful gaze from Eva for stopping the conversation.

“As always.” replies Amira with her eyebrows raised up in a teasing way.

“At least it’s not Alejandro anymore.” jokes Cris, feeling the awkwardness of her words as Nora stares at her feet and Viri’s smile slowly fades, with her best friend staring at her in despair.

“Anyway! Talking about Saturday, don’t you have something to tell us?” asks Eva, playfully looking at the blonde, one hand on her forearm.

“Oooooooh yes- yes!” continues Viri with her usual enthusiastic grin.

“What? What happened?” blurts Amira, now more than interested by the conversation.

“Someone danced a long time with a purple-haired girl.” teasingly affirms Nora, wriggling her eyebrows.

“Nooooooo, Joana?”

“Eh eh eh, calm down.” says the blonde, immediately stopping her best friend’s excitement. “We just spent the rest of the party together, it was fun, nothing else.”

“ _Nothing else_.” repeats Eva, taking Cris’ annoyed tone as the latter rolls her eyes with a smile she can’t hold.

“See? She’s blushing.” points out Nora, making all the other girls mock and tease the blonde with silly voices.

\--

Wednesday, 15h52

Cris takes the stairs two at a time, almost dropping her phone when she checks the time. _7 minutes late, joder!_

She arrives at the third floor with her lungs completely empty and her calves and thighs burning, but it doesn’t stop her from speeding up to enter the right corridor. That’s when she sees the raven-haired girl leaning against the wall and biting her thumbnail; her hair tied up in a high bun, showing off her undercut with some rebellious purple locks _delicately_ falling on her neck.

Joana immediately turns towards the blonde with a slight confused frown, as she messily runs to meet her.

“Sorry- sorry, I completely lost the track of time… I was trying to learn that damn alphabet, but then I saw the time and then- I swear- I ran as I fast as I could, but that damn metro stopped and--- What?” stops Cris in her explanation, gulping loudly as the raven-haired girl tries her best to hold a laugh, staring at her. “Are you laughing because I’m bright red and literally dying?” asks the blonde with raised eyebrows, still out of breath but with a smile starting to curve her lips.

Joana only answers with a fond smile, continuing to stare at Cris, as if she couldn’t look anywhere else. The blonde doesn’t break the eye contact and just stares back, giving her a light grin, unforced and cheerful.

“Ahh, I knew I heard someone in the corridor. Come in!” interrupts Aurelia, taking the two girls out of their daydreaming, as she invites them into the room.

They sit at their usual table; both a little embarrassed by what just happened. Joana quickly writes something on her notebook.

_J: What do we do today?_

“Um… I don’t know, you’re the one teaching me.” jokes Cris, making the raven-haired girl slightly chuckle, _but her eyes are… pensive_. She looks away for a second, bringing her right hand to her mouth before looking back at the blonde.

“ _We could ask each other questions. Things we want to know about each other. And you could try to only sign in answer.”_ she suggests with a small shrug.

“You know, there’s not that much to know about me.” admits Cris with a nervous laugh, avoiding the other girl’s gaze. 

_J: It’s just your excuse to not try only talking in sign language._

The blonde rolls her eyes as she reads this sentence, before looking back at Joana who’s giving her the _most playful and challenging smirk on earth_. Of course, Cris feels uneasy at the thought of her messily failing at correctly signing a sentence or even a word, _but I can’t let her think that_.

“ _Alright, I can try_.” she affirms with determination, sitting up and making Joana proudly smile.

“ _Wait_.” she replies, standing up to go find Aurelia.

“ _Okay- so you want me to translate?_ ” asks the latter as she sits next to Cris with a bright smile, receiving a positive nod from the raven-haired girl. “Alright, go on Cris, ask me something you want to know about me.” she continues, putting into words what Joana signs.

_What do I ask…? There are so many things I want to know about her. Her hobbies, her everyday life, what she likes to read, how she feels, what are her fears, everything- I want to know everything about her… But right now, what intrigues me the most is her past, I know that deafness isn’t the thing that defines her, but it’s so interesting to know more about this entire new world for me._

“Okay, um… _are you deaf… by B-I-R-T-H_?” tries Cris, fingerspelling the last word, as Aurelia signs it to her, under the raven-haired girl’s thoughtful and smiling gaze.

“No, I was a hearing person, but I lost my hearing when I was younger. I had a lot of ear infections because I have a malformation of the Eustachian tube, and… one day, when I was around 8, my mom called me and I didn’t hear her; that’s when we realized that I had lost 55% of my hearing because of the infections.”

Aurelia gently stops Joana, before turning towards the blonde. “Cris, don’t look at me; she’s the one talking.” she affirms with a soft smile. “If you want to understand sign language later, you have to associate my words with her signs and expressions. I know at first it’s a little disturbing and confusing to not look at me because I’m the one you listen to, but Joana is the one you’re having a conversation with; so just forget about me and focus on her.” she continues, before quickly signing to the raven-haired girl, who thankfully nods and smiles at her.

“ _Sorry, I’ll try…_ _it’s- hard_ to focus on everything at the same time. _It feels_ like I’ll _M-I-S-S_ half or more of the _conversation if I look at your signs_.” hesitantly admits Cris with apologizing eyes, now staring at Joana.

“ _Don’t worry_.” signs the latter with a supportive gaze, trying to reassure the blonde before continuing.

“I saw an ENT specialist and he helped me with hearing aids. That was great, it was helping me, I could hear everything. But… when I was twelve, I… I lost even more of my hearing, around 80%, because of a really, really loud sound- I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and now because of this I also have tinnitus in both ears. If I wanted, I could hear you with my hearing aids, well- I hope, because even with them, there are frequencies I just can’t hear at all; but most of the voices I have a hard time hearing are men’s voices, but I think that with you it would be alright…” translates Aurelia, as her and Cris slightly laugh with Joana at those words.

“ _But_ … _why don’t you_ wear them if _you can hear_ almost normally?” asks the blonde, a little confused, making Joana raise her eyebrows, kind of annoyed.

“So I could be normal and not handicapped? And it could be easier for everyone else?”

“What? No, that- that’s not what I meant.” she immediately stammers, slapping herself mentally for asking this _stupid_ question.

“ _I know_.” answers Joana with soft smile. “But most people would think that way. You’re the one handicapped, just adapt yourself. But anyway, I don’t wear them because people can see that I’m hard of hearing, and sometimes I’m tired of it. I just want to be something else than the “deaf girl” you know? And in anyway, I like who I am, I met so many wonderful people with whom I discovered that it’s alright to be hard of hearing or deaf and that there’s an entire world where I don’t have to adapt and where I can be myself. So, if some people don’t agree with my choice, well- I don’t care, it’s not my problem.”

“I see…” mumbles Cris, thoughtfully looking at Joana.

“Anyway, I talked for too long, it’s your turn to answer me!”

“What? Come on, you saw that I can’t put two words next to the other without asking you two for help.” blurts the blonde, childishly sulking and trying her puppy ( _toad_ ) eyes on the two women in front of her.

“You’re already doing a great job.” supportively affirms Aurelia, as Joana vigorously nods at that statement.

Under the two other’s waiting gazes, Cris sighs deeply, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she stares at the table for some seconds.

“Alright, but I’m warning you, no mocking.” she then says, looking at them with a _so-called “threatening” frown_ and her index pointing at Joana who raises her hands in surrender with a funny face in answer.

\--

Thursday, 23h10

[Cris, 23h10] SEND HELP

[Joana, 23h10] what???

[Cris, 23h10] I’m bored

[Joana, 23h11] idiota

[Joana, 23h11] can’t you just sleep?

[Cris, 23h11] wow

[Cris, 23h11] you really enjoy talking to me as I can see

[Cris, 23h12] and nope

[Cris, 23h12] I need to end that damn history assignment

[Joana, 23h13] whoops

[Joana, 23h13] btw

[Joana, 23h13] didn’t we agree on revising history at some point?

[Joana, 23h13] it’s not like your exam is on Monday

[Cris, 23h14] yeah thank you for reminding me that

[Joana, 23h16] tomorrow?

[Cris, 23h16] what tomorrow?

[Joana, 23h16] I’m taking you somewhere to revise

[Joana, 23h16] and then we spend the evening together

[Joana, 23h16] what do you think?

_Is she proposing me a date right now…?_

[Joana, 23h17] tbh the answer no isn’t an option

[Cris, 23h18] so demanding

[Cris, 23h18] Excusez-moi Madame.

[Joana, 23h18] jajaja

[Joana, 23h19] so?

[Joana, 23h19] it’s a yes?

[Cris, 23h19] yes

[Joana, 23h19] great 😊

[Cris, 23h19] 😊

\--

Friday, 20h47

At Cris’ surprise, Joana took them to a small and calm bar to do their revising session. As the people started to enter the place and after more than two and a half hours of hard working, the session just ended up in many different conversations by messages or attempts to master many signs with some beers to reward their efforts.

[Joana, 20h47] what are you the most afraid of?

“Snakes are pretty scary.” jokingly admits Cris, making the other roll her eyes.

[Joana, 20h48] a real fear

[Joana, 20h48] like

[Joana, 20h48] a serious deep one

The blonde’s teasing smile faints, as she has a hard time holding Joana’s gaze. She pinches her lips, before taking a deep breath.

“I’m scared of not being good, or strong, or-- anything, enough. I’m scared that even if I’m the best version of myself, it still won’t be enough.”

“ _See? There are a lot of things to know about you_.” seriously affirms the raven-haired girl with a reassuring and supportive gaze.

Cris only answers with a shy smile.

“Anyway! _What’s yours_?” she then asks, taking back her usual assurance as she rests her chin on her joined hands, making the raven-haired girl slightly chuckle.

[Joana, 20h50] the dark

“And you’re the one saying, “a real fear”?” jokes the blonde with raised eyebrows.

Joana slightly opens her mouth, kind of annoyed, before typing again on her phone. _She’s writing an entire novel or what?_

[Joana, 20h51] I’m serious. The only sense I can use is touch, because in the dark I’m like you, I can’t see anything, I can’t feel the danger come, and it frightens me

[Joana, 20h51] I hate being alone in the dark

“ _I’m sorry_ … I didn’t think about that…” admits Cris with apologizing eyes, before staring at her hands, biting the inside of her lower lip.

A lock of her hair slightly falls on her left cheek, as Joana can’t help but look at its motion, _no, stare at it_. She slowly brings her hand to the blonde’s face, letting her index slowly brush her skin and remove the strand of hair, before putting it behind her ear.

Cris couldn’t be redder; and when Joana notices her reaction, she swiftly moves her hand away, nervously looking at the blonde, who starts to slightly chuckle at the situation.

“ _Sorry_.” signs the raven-haired girl, starting to giggle with Cris, who’s now looking at her with a surprised but soft gaze. _I never really paid attention to her laugh before; her giggles are so light and lively._

“ _What?_ ” asks Joana, confused.

“ _Why don’t you use your_ … uh… voice? It seems _beautiful_.” admits the blonde with a gentle smile.

_Wait… Did I just say that? What’s wrong with me?_

Joana pensively stares at her some seconds. _She places the tips of her index and middle finger at the bottom of her throat and then slides them to her chin, before letting her hand follow the movement and stop it in front of her._

“ _Voice_.” she mouths with a shy smile.

“Sensitive subject…?” asks Cris with a slight worried frown, feeling that the mood changed at that question.

The raven-haired girl shrugs in answer, kind of hesitant.

“ _I can use my voice, but… I don’t like my deaf accent; it’s not “beautiful”. And in anyway, I have sign language now_.” she finally admits.

“It suits you.” affirms the blonde with a warm smile, trying to reassure her. 

“ _I know_.” proudly replies Joana, before taking her phone, as she seems to have an idea.

[Joana, 20h55] but… I can hear yours

Cris frowns in confusion as she raises her gaze to meet the raven-haired girl’s mischievous eyes.

[Joana, 20h56] But for that we need to leave this place

After sending this message, the latter stands up and offers her hand to the blonde. When she takes it, Joana gives her a bright grin before leading them outside the bar.

\--

Friday, 21h12

After walking in the city for twenty minutes and many impatient guesses from Cris to understand where they’re going, Joana stops in front a park gate; _it says “Parque Quinta de los Molinos”. I never came here before, but… it feels so welcoming, even in the night._ Cris is taken out of her daydreaming by her phone vibrating in her pocket. 

[Joana, 21h12] it’s a special place for me

[Joana, 21h12] I don’t really know why, but it soothes me

The blonde meets Joana’s cheerful, _almost childlike_ eyes when she raises her gaze; she can’t help but smile back.

The raven-haired girl nods towards the gate and climbs it as Cris only stares at her without moving, taken aback.

“What the hell are you doing?” she blurts in a whisper, immediately realizing it- _of course_ , won’t work. _Are we really going into a closed park in the middle of the night?_

Joana playfully grins at her when she’s at the other side of the gate. She turns the flashlight of her phone on and moves forward in the park, leaving Cris alone. _I guess this is where I die then…_ The blonde quickly climbs the gate as she can and speeds up to catch up with the raven-haired girl.

They arrive in the middle of the park, near a small tunnel under a bridge, which is enlightened by a weak lamp and surrounded by many lively trees that recently found new leaves and flowers.

[Joana, 21h17] I love this place because it’s silent

Cris frowns at this message, looking at Joana, confused.

[Joana, 21h17] not your definition of silence

[Joana, 21h17] mine

[Joana, 21h17] the fact that there’s no vibration. No car, or public works

[Joana, 21h18] nothing

[Joana, 21h18] That’s why I brought you here

The raven-hared girl continues to type something else, but she stops herself and raises her gaze to Cris, who’s already staring at her with a fond smile. She puts her phone back in her pocket and takes a few steps towards the blonde.

“ _Because when it’s silent around us, I can feel your voice_.” she signs between their bodies, as she pinches her lips, looking at Cris right in the eye.

She then raises her right hand between them with questioning eyes, asking permission before resting her fingers on the blonde’s throat. The latter only answers with a small nod, kind of intrigued and amazed by what’s happening.

“ _Go on, say something_.” grins the raven-haired girl.

_Say something… say something, um… Fuck, I’m a chatterbox all the time- why can’t I find something to say?_ At the same time, Cris feels some raindrops on her scalp, _but it doesn’t matter_ _right now_. Because right now, _two deep and intense chocolate eyes_ are staring at hers, and it feels like the world around them isn’t existing anymore. It feels like the silence is holding them into something… _wonderful_. And Cris doesn’t want to break that silence, she can’t break it, but at the same time, she wants to tell Joana everything, everything about herself, from her everyday life to her deepest thoughts.

“Uh—um… something… I- when I was little, I wanted to be a dancer. I was preparing shows in our living-room for my parents and brothers all the time and I freaking don’t know why I’m saying that right now but- you can feel the vibrations? That’s brilliant!” she finally says with a bright grin, dumbstruck by the situation.

Joana proudly smiles at those words.

And they just stay like that, standing in the middle of the park, with their bodies that have never been that close until now.

And they just stare at each other, unable to do anything else. Their smiles slowly disappear to give place to longing. This need, this urge, which is here since… _forever_ , can’t be hold anymore.

Joana finally moves first. She smoothly places her other hand on Cris’ waist, and leans forward. The blonde feels other raindrops, this time on her cheeks, _but it doesn’t matter_. She gently grabs the other girl’s denim jacket and rubs the soft insides of it with her thumbs. 

And then, it happens. Their lips meet. And there’s no word in any language to describe this moment, this feeling. Only their bodies can describe the instant. And they’re smiling, in this ecstatic and relieved kiss, as Joana cups Cris’ cheeks with her warm and gentle touch and as the latter rests her hands behind the other’s back and brings her closer. And they can’t help giggling, letting the mixture of emotions, expectations and frustration flow out of their bodies.

The rain is falling on them, soaking their hair and clothes; making them stranded mermaids. _And now, everything matters_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> A really long chapter for the comeback of this fic. I hope it was worth waiting for everyone.   
> I tried to inform myself on how I could explain Joana’s hearing loss, I hope I’m not completely wrong and that some of it is accurate or at least partially accurate. Please, if you’re familiar with all of this don’t hesitate to correct me. 
> 
> Also, don’t hesitate to give me feedback in the comments or you can come talk with me on tumblr (I would love that): https://somilkyshaky.tumblr.com/


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